Lasting Relationships - John Gray
 

John Gray has helped millions of men and women develop better relationships because he doesn't just tell you how to behave but explains why. Extracts taken from his book Mars and Venus On A Date he explains most common of all misunderstandings women experience when it come to men. Men are like Blowtorches, Women are like Ovens When Martians and Venusians get together without understanding that they come from different planets, it is quite easy for a woman to misinterpret a man's interest and experience repeated frustration and disappointment. Often a man will suddenly become physically attracted to a woman and then just as quickly lose interest. He is like a blowtorch that can heat up really fast and then turn off in an instant. This Martian tendency is easily misinterpreted because women are not like blowtorches. Women are like ovens. They slowly heat up and slowly cool off. A woman assumes that if a man is physically attracted to her, he is also interested in pursuing a relationship with her. She confuses attention, interest and attraction with affection or love. When this "love" is not lasting and he quickly loses interest, a woman can easily feel disappointed and unnecessarily begin to mistrust men. Unless she learns how men and women think and feel differently, she may become closed to men and thus limit her chances of finding the right man for her. Without this crucial understanding, dating for many women is a very dissatisfying and discouraging experience. Certainly when a man is attentive to a woman, he could also be interested in having a relationship with her, but quite often he is not that discerning. To a certain extent, when he is enamoured of a woman, he just likes what he sees and he wants to touch. Then he behaves in ways that most women mistakenly assume to be clear signs and signals that he is interested in having a relationship. A Man's Passion Without even considering what kind of person a woman is, a man can feel a strong, passionate desire to be with her. Then, once he gets to know her, he may find that he doesn't even like her, nor is he interested in getting to know her better. Yet when he sees her he feels a strong physical chemistry and will do almost anything for the opportunity to be with her, impress her, and make her happy. As he gets to know her, his interest and affection may quickly dissipate. This is commonly known as the morning-after syndrome. One day she is beautiful and radiant in every way, the next day, after a closer look, her toes are too big. Once he gets to know her, his passion dissipates, he finds something wrong with her or realizes that she is not the one for him, and he moves on. He has no idea that she thinks they are about to get married. Anyone on his planet would know that he was just physically attracted, but someone from Venus could easily misunderstand his intentions and think he was promising much more. A Woman's Passions A man's strong physical passion, interest, and attention are easily misunderstood because woman come to relationships the other way around. Women are first attracted to some aspect of who a man is, and not just his body. A woman first feels interested in getting to know a man, then she feels attraction, and then she feels strong physical attraction and desire. The more a woman feels mentally and emotionally attracted to a man, the more physical chemistry she will begin to feel. Since this is her experience, she mistakenly assumes that when a man is physically attracted to her, he must be mentally and emotionally attracted as well. It is hard for a woman to understand how men could be so different, but they are. On Mars, they are first attracted by the physical. The more physically attractive a woman is to a man, the less he needs to think or discern. He automatically behaves as if she is the most special woman in the world, and she believes it. He is just being in the moment and feeling his attraction. What she doesn't know is that the next day he could be with someone who turns him on and feel the exact same attraction. Without this understanding of differences, women assume that men are either deceptive or just superficial. What Makes A Woman Special There is something special about every woman, but what makes a woman more special to a particular man is the special chemistry he feels for her. This chemistry cannot be created. It either exists or doesn't exist. An apple seed is an apple seed. It cannot become anything else other than an apple seed. The only thing we can do is make sure we recognize its needs and give it a chance to grow. Too much water can rot the roots, while not enough will starve it. How we approach a relationship can either prevent or support the growth of attraction. A woman first feels that she is special to a man when he feels physically attracted to her. A woman must remember that she is not that special, because there are a lot of women to whom a man can feel physically attracted. It is a good beginning, but it doesn't necessarily mean anything more. To him, in that moment, she may be the ultimate woman of his dreams. In this case, he may believe and behave as though he were in love with who she is, but only time will tell, by giving him an opportunity to get to know her. A woman becomes more special to a man when he finds that not only is he physically attracted to her, but he also likes her. There are many women to whom he can be physically attracted, but only a smaller group with whom he can also be a friend. A woman becomes even more special to him when he finds that he is mentally attracted to who she is as a person. There are only a few women for whom he can feel all three levels of chemistry. She becomes still more special when he is able to see her as an imperfect person but also lovable. Even at difficult times in their relationship, when he is not getting what he needs from her, he is able to still see the good in her and feel his love for her. This kind of unconditional love makes her very special. Then, within this very small and special group, his soul picks one to share his life. It is then that a woman is most special to a man. What Makes A Man Special A man becomes special to a woman in a reverse manner. She is first mentally attracted to him. She looks at some aspect of who he is and what he is doing with his life and feels some chemistry. This is the largest group of men from whom she picks. Then she finds that some men are more special. She begins to feel emotional chemistry; she begins to feel attraction for a man and like him as a friend as well. While there may be many men with whom she feels chemistry, there are a fewer men who cause her to feel emotional chemistry. At this point, she may discover that she also feels a physical attraction. It might happen slowly or it might happen very suddenly. Quite often, it happens when he gives her a kiss. That one little gesture of affection can suddenly make it clear to her that he is more special. When a shy man postpones the kiss, it may actually postpone or even prevent a woman from feeling her physical chemistry for him. When Women Are Attracted To The Wrong Men Sometimes a woman meets a man and suddenly feels all four levels of chemistry. She particularly feels an immediate physical passion for him. This is a clear sign that this woman is attracted to her fantasy of the man and not the man himself. When this is the case, a woman needs to learn to be more discerning. If she feels strong physical attraction, she should not immediately assume that the man is right for her. Although there is a chance he could be right for her because she is turned on immediately, it is a clear sign that she does not know him yet. She is attracted to the illusion of which she thinks he is. If a woman has a history of being turned on to the wrong guys, then when she enters a room with thirty men and one man turns her on like a blowtorch, she should run the other way. If she does choose to engage in a relationship she should be very careful to get to know him before she becomes intimate.